I confess – at times, I have been overcautious and self-limiting because of self-doubt. I didn’t name it for many years and I certainly would never speak of it, but I know it’s held me back. I am in excellent company though as I have often read that self-doubt can be more acute for high achievers – and of course for any of us that battle that streak of perfectionism.

Aristotle famously wrote, “The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know.” I often reflect upon this, as it is a recurring theme in my professional life, and have decided this is a good thing – retaining a focus on learning and development keeps us current, curious and expanding the boundaries.

I often work with clients experiencing self-doubt. These days there is even a term for the worst of it – Imposter Syndrome. It can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. They seem unable to internalize their accomplishments; however successful they are in their field. High achieving, highly successful people often suffer, so imposter syndrome doesn’t equate with low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence. In fact, some researchers have linked it with perfectionism, especially in women and among academics.

It makes me feel a whole lot better to understand this definition – as I hope it does for anyone reading this and identifying with the feelings. I have managed my self-doubt successfully over the years and continue to do so – although I confess, it never goes away. Here are a few tips, leading lights and great practices:

1. We are human beings and we are not perfect

In my practice and my self-practice, I have embraced the work of Dr Kristin Neff who writes with kindness and compassion:

You may try to change in ways that allow you to be healthier and happier, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things will not always go the way you want them to. You will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life.

https://self-compassion.org/

2. Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life

This brilliant truth was spoken by Harvard psychologist, Susan David Ph.D. In her work about ‘emotional agility’ Susan tells us that ‘tough emotions are part of our contract with life’. Acknowledging them, accepting them, experiencing them gives us data from which we can make sense of what’s happening to us or around us and take values aligned action. Emotions are data not directions!

https://www.susandavid.com/

3. Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are

Brene Brown Ph.D. tells its best. The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy NOW; right this minute. Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites!

“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”

https://brenebrown.com/

4. Don’t believe everything you tell yourself

Beyond Blue tell us that everyone has an inner critic who says in a hundred different ways, “you’re not good enough”. The critic is fed by negative messages society sends you about who you ‘need’ to be in order to be worthy, smart, successful, rich, attractive, popular.

The critic can be especially loud in people experiencing anxiety or depression. Turning against yourself is one of the cruelest features of these conditions.

Silencing your critic is difficult to do because it’s probably been with you since childhood. But the benefits of starting a kinder relationship with yourself can be life changing.

Here are six things to remind yourself when your critic is giving you a hard time.

• Having an inner critic is not the issue. The issue is believing what your inner critic says to you and acting on its advice. Work on getting some distance from your critic.

• Write down your self-critical thoughts as if they were coming from someone else: “you’re incompetent”, “you’re ugly”. How would you argue back if a stranger said this to you or someone you cared about?

• If you’re constantly looking for information that confirms you’re not good enough, you’ll find it. Focus your attention elsewhere on the things you’re doing well. Keep a journal and each night, write down three things you did well that day. Look at these notes whenever your critic is really loud.

• You can’t be everyone. Notice when you’re taking your own strengths for granted and focusing on what others do better than you. It’s hard to see your own skills because they’ve been with you for so long you think everyone has them. But they don’t.

• Think about the faults of someone you admire. How should they talk to themselves about these? What would that sound like for yourself?

• Be a lifelong learner. Making a mistake doesn’t confirm your worst fears about yourself. View mistakes as a learning opportunity. View yourself as someone who is always growing. Facing difficulties helps you develop the skills to bounce back and succeed next time.

Accepting your imperfections is one of the great challenges of life. Find tactics that work for you and return to them during difficult days when your critic is strong, stubborn and convincing.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-yourself/when-your-inner-critic-is-giving-you-a-tough-time

Jeanette Kinahan, Founder and Director of Thriving People is an awarded and highly experienced personal injury management and workplace wellbeing practitioner and advisor, an advanced and nationally accredited mediator, and conflict management coach (amongst other things).

There is so much in the way of advice regarding the need to wear personal protective equipment – eye glasses/eye goggles, face masks, aprons, booties. All this with frequent sanitising activity prior to, during and post interaction with clients. This is our new normal.
In addition to all of this we are managing:
Life uncertainties
Job insecurity
Change in family dynamics\increase family violence
Increased isolation
Increased emotional support needs etc…
In this time when we all have our own challenges in managing the social isolation and uncertainties of our new world of work and life. Given this we also need to be mindful of the support required by the staff around us. The following are simple things that takes little effort but can go along way to making someone feel better about their own situation:
Ask your staff member if they wish to talk about their concerns or if they would rather speak to someone else.
Consider that you may not be the best person to approach the situation
Choose a suitable time to speak – a time when you are not likely to be interrupted.
Listen
Ask questions that show you genuinely care
Be prepared to accept the workers reactions, mood, feelings, beliefs
Don’t pass judgement
Acknowledge the concerns raised
Assist to explore coping strategies that can be invoked
Always offer consistent emotional support and understanding
Acknowledge the workers strengths
Be aware of the cultural differences amongst workers (a useful reference is: https://www.universalclass.com/articles/business/handling-cultural-differences-in-the-workplace.htm)
As a support person in the workplace or for the workplace, be sure to invest in your own self-care. Remember to:
Recognise your own feelings and deal with these feelings separately to your interaction with the worker
Find someone that you can trust and talk to about what has happened.
When you debrief with someone about a situation ensure that you maintain confidentiality.
Eat Well
Keep regular sleep habits
Practice relaxation techniques
Be physically active
Surround yourself with supportive people
Schedule activities that you enjoy – INVEST IN YOU
Recognise that you cannot be a support to everyone – recognise you own limits.
We spend so much of our time looking after others. We all need to recognise our own needs before we can effectively help others. Investing is ourselves make us better support for our workplace, family and friends.
Keep safe out there, and enjoy every opportunity that comes your way!!.
At Thriving People we are setting out to capture our ‘joy in work’ stories and broadcast them so we can learn from each other – turning theory into reality. Check this out on our website www.thrivingpeople.net.au. If you’d like to know more please connect with us at Thriving People.
Carol Young, Co-Director of Thriving People has 25 + years practical experience holding various qualification as an Occupational Therapist, Health and Safety Practitioner, Nationally Accredited Mediator and Conflict Management Coach (amongst other things).

Being kind – it’s part of human nature and comes naturally – right? Well, we’d like to think that it’s natural to be kind- BUT WHEN WE REALLY THINK ABOUT IT – when we feel under pressure, IT DOES TAKES EFFORT.  We might be isolated to a degree during this pandemic, but even with only a little effort we can reap huge wellbeing rewards from choosing kindness in our daily routine.

It’s a scientific fact that acts of kindness in a work environment lead to improved emotional well-being – all round. 

When we exhibit acts of kindness a hormone known as serotonin is generated in our bodies that leads to feelings of calm and at the same time, improves our self-esteem. When we feel good about ourselves and others, we are more trusting and we form stronger bonds. Our perspective is generally positive allowing us to experience more happiness and joy in work.

We often tell ourselves that our colleagues will reach out to us if they need help but we forget that their silence may be an indication that a colleague is not managing. This may relate to a work activity or be about a life event that has occurred.   Life is still going on for us all. We are still, mothers, fathers, brothers, sister, daughters, sons, grandparents, friends etc.. we still wear all of these hats and have to juggle the complicating factors that can surface in each area of our lives.

Take the opportunity to check in on your work colleagues – ask the ‘R U OK’ question and find out how they are doing, are they struggling at all, and importantly, how can you be assistance. Sometimes just being there for your colleagues is the most effective support you can provide. Being the ear to which they can sound out concerns and ideas. Remember when we are in the one work environment we can easily reach out to our colleagues and ask their opinion. It is so easy to be insulated in your home based workplace.

It’s not only about being kind to others, but also being kind to yourself. Remember we are all imperfect and share this with all humanity. Treat yourself as you would a good friend.

• Treat and reward yourself,
• Recognise your own achievements
• Engage in positive self-talk  – being your own best friend

Taking an opportunity to be kind to others:

• Reaching out to a colleague – make a time to catch up with colleagues (albeit via phone or video-conferencing)
• Be a sounding board to a colleague in need
• Be considerate to your colleagues needs when meeting your own
• Help your colleagues learn new work skills
• Look for the good in your colleagues and compliment them on a job well done!
• Sharing your experiences with your colleagues – success or otherwise. Showing our humility reinforces that we are human and that we can all make mistakes  – most mistakes can be rectified.

I found it helpful to keep a Kindness Journal for 1 week – I established a goal of seeking to show kindness each day. We may perceive ourselves (as I had before I set myself the challenge) that we are already kind – we help others, we go out of our way…what more can we do??? But when I set myself the challenge I found that my focus on being kind naturally drew out a positive vibe, – the result was a sense of happiness in others and a more positive, happy me! A me that not only voiced her appreciation of the world around her but really meant it.  I found that showing kindness draws out kindness in others. I have found that reaching out and showing kindness to others at work/in the work environment is satisfying. Let’s savour this experience together and positively effect the culture within our respective workspaces – set yourself the same challenge if this sounds like something you feel you can gain benefit from – see what feelings it leaves YOU with.

At Thriving People we are setting out to capture our ‘joy in work’ stories and broadcast them so we can learn from each other – turning theory into reality. Check this out on our website www.thrivingpeople.net.au. If you’d like to know more please connect with us at Thriving People.

Carol Young, Co-Director of Thriving People has 25 + years practical experience holding various qualification as an Occupational Therapist, Health and Safety Practitioner, Nationally Accredited Mediator and Conflict Management Coach (amongst other things).